My Stories:Fred Instead

Here is a story I wrote when I was in 9th Grade:



Fred Instead
There once was an alien named Kachoo who lived on Jupiter with his family. He was a tall, green lizard-like alien with deer antlers, a raccoon tail, and snake scales. His planet is much different than ours. On their planet they only eat limburger cheese and sardines, they don't have as much technology, and they have different ways of talking. For example, Kachoo talks in a robot-sounding voice. But he also has a device that lets him speak English. The planet has mixed seasons which means that it snows in the summer and is warm in the winter.
One day in the year 2014, he was driving his spaceship goofing around when he crashlanded on some blue and green planet. He fell straight into the yard of a family who lives in the country. He had never seen this planet before and didn't know where he was. He was a little confused by all of his surroundings. He saw snowballs in the sky and giant tree-like monsters.  Then he saw a cute red beagle. He hadn't seen one of these creatures before and didn't know what to think of it. As soon as he heard it bark he thought that maybe it was the most intelligent creature on the planet. Until the dog chased him and tried to play with him. The dog messed around with every creature he ran into (he even had a bad incident with a snapping turtle that he doesn't want to think about).
Kachoo walked into the house and saw a redheaded 15-year-old boy named Matt talking to his parents. He walked up to Matt and introduced himself. At first Matt questioned whether he was a real alien or just a guy trying to prank him.
To prove his existence he said, "Excuse me while I whip out my laser gun,".  At first, Matt was disgusted by his response.
"No, I mean this thing," he said as he pulled out a futuristic space laser. He then proceeded to shoot the family cat with it. Matt was in for a shock because he thought he had killed the cat. Then he apologized and shot the other cat. He yelled at the alien and told him to never kill any of their pets again.
"I didn't kill them, they're just sent to another dimension." said the alien. For some reason that didn't make Matt feel any better.
 Matt asked the alien what his name was.
"Kachoo," he replied.
"God bless you," Matt said.
"No, my name is Kachoo," he replied back.
"Maybe I should just call you Fred, instead," Matt said.
Matt showed him around the house. He had never seen a human home before and wasn't really sure where he was. That night they had dinner together. "What are these weird yellow things?" asked the alien. Matt explained to him that those things are called bananas.
 "Are they edible?" asked the alien. Matt told him that pretty much everything at the dinner table was edible.
"Okay" the alien said happily and then ate the fork.
"What are you doing? That is NOT food!" Matt said, shocked.
That night Matt showed Fred a movie about Earth. The movie he showed was the third Austin Powers movie. He wanted Fred to understand about the traditions, culture, and humor of planet Earth.
"What did you think about that movie?" asked Matt
"That humans somehow find their body parts hilarious," said a confused-looking Fred.
The next day they went to the library and introduced Fred to reading.  He saw a bunch of people everywhere and realized this planet is much more populated than he thought.

At the library a kid walked up to him and asked, "Hi scaly green creature, what's your name?"
"My name is Fred Instead," he replied.
 Then he picked up a book and tried to throw it. Matt told him that books are for reading and not throwing. So Matt sat there for hours until he taught Fred how to read. Fred was so happy because he was never able to do anything like that on his home planet.
 "What exactly do you do on your home planet?" asked Matt.
 "We don't have TVs or computers or books or any of that so we just play games" said Fred Instead.
"What kind of games?"  asked Matt.
So Matt and Fred went to the park and played an alien sport called Octoball where they kicked around an octopus as if it were a ball. Fred always keeps an octopus in his pocket when he travels. The game is one of the most popular sports in the galaxy and Matt and Fred had so much fun. After the game, Fred started missing his family. He asked Matt if he could help him find his way home.
"Sure, I'll help you find your spaceship. Where did you last leave it? asked Matt.
"I'm pretty sure I left it right in the middle of your yard," said Fred.
When they got to Matt's yard Fred realized that he had the compact spaceship in his pocket the whole time. It was about the size of a nickel.  He pulled it out of his other pocket and hit a button and it inflated. Fred jumped in the spaceship and after Matt and Fred Instead said good-bye to each other, Fred left. Then after a few seconds, Matt realized one of his chickens was missing.
"Oh, I forget to mention this but I'm thinking about marrying one of your chickens," the alien yelled back down to Earth. Matt was a little bit mad because the family raised chickens for eggs. He chased Fred's spaceship but it flew off too fast for him to see. Back at his home planet, a huge chicken wedding was held. At the wedding, a bunch of other aliens came and everybody had a great time. His best man was Gonzo from the Muppet Show who traveled to Jupiter after filming a new Muppet movie. Marvin the Martian, Yoda, Stitch, ALF, and many other famous aliens were there was well.  They ate a limburger cheese cake with sardines and eggs on top. They all lived happily ever after. Especially Fred because now he gets a bunch of eggs for free.

How Peter Griffin Ruined The Who

I was bored one evening so I turned on a new episode of Family Guy on FOX and one part tainted a part of my memory forever. It was the scene where Peter starts singing Baba o Riley, a REALLY good song by The Who. It was one of their ridiculous cutaway gags that takes like 5 minutes to get to and now every time I hear Baba o Riley I think of this stupid cutaway. Thanks Seth McFarlane for ruining my image of The Who.




Just kidding, I thought the cutaway was HILARIOUS! I just wanted to post something stupid before lunchtime because I'm bored. Here is this piece of comedy gold for you all to watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6s3jxO3eMk

Matt Reviews:Doodle Toons

Oh my gosh, I think I just found my new favorite web series! It is Doodle Toons by cartoonlover98, I first saw the episode "Rabbit for Dinner" last Christmas Eve and I've been hooked ever since. For those who don't know it is a series about cute cartoon animals going on adventures. But unlike that OTHER web series, these adventures aren't bloody, you know the one I'm talking about:

Man, that show makes me sick to my stomach. But anyway let's stop talking about Happy Tre-I mean, "the show that shall not be named", yes, that's right I compared it to Lord Voldemort, it's that awful, anyway, let's stop bashing HTF and start praising Doodle Toons. Doodle Toons is about a group of characters. The main rabbit's name is Bellybutton and he can be funny if you ask me. Then there's his girlfriend Jellybean, who's a female pink rabbit. She is a pretty funny character as well and cracks me up to end especially in the episode "AAAHH! SHADDUP!'. Now we have my favorite character Goldie, who is a little yellow cat. I find Goldie to be the most likable because she's funny, interesting, and has the best personality. TEAM GOLDIE! SCREW EDWARD AND JACOB! I'M ON TEAM GOLDIE! Wait a minute, is the Twilight over already!?

I see one, ONE ticked off Twilight fan, ahhh ahhhh ahhh. Two TWO ticked off Twilight fans ahhh ahhh ahhh!

Finally we get to my least favorite character, Pip. I don't know what it is about Pip but I just don't find her that interesting, to be honest she kinda bores me. No offense to whoever voices Pip, but I just don't find her that entertaining, almost like a certain OTHER female character!

The adventures these characters go on are witty and hilarious, the voice acting is REALLY good, and the humor reminds me of classic Looney Tunes and The Simpsons. What differentiates this stuff from what Benthelooney calls "Seth McFarlane's ever growing cartoon library"is that isn't JUST jokes. Even though they ARE funny, they often have a little bit of plot and character development as well where Family Guy, American Dad, and the like are nothing but fart jokes, sex  jokes, cutaways, more fart jokes, more sex jokes, and more cutaways. Not that I don't like Family Guy, I do, it's just that that stuff kinda gets old if you ask me. Another thing I like about Doodle Toons is the many pop culture references from Looney Tunes to The Flintstones to obscure Spongebob references only a true 00s kid would get, these videos have it all! I hope you liked my review and remember, don't lay a finger on my butterfinger!

P.S. I almost forgot about Cruncher, he's another one of my favorites. I like how he's kind of a combination between Brian Griffin and Wallace from Wallace and Gromit, :D.