Ay caramba! This story has more fourth wall breaks than Deadpool.
A long time ago in medieval England, there lived a knight named Sir Real who wasn't all that bright, literally. Not only was he not smart whatsoever, but he had a skin condition where he could only come out at night. He also thought that all knights did this because they're called "knights".
He had a pet bat named Bruce who would go on night quests with him. But every day until night time came, he would stay in a dark cave and read medieval Mad magazines.
One day, at 12:00 midnight, Sir R. went out to go on the quest for a rare bird species called the Phoenix. The Phoenix is flaming bird who if you take the feather from him, he will grant you any wish. But little did he know that monsters come out when the sun goes down. Every heard the phrase "The freaks come out at night" it actually make sense in medieval England.
So he took his fireblade, in case he runs into any danger. The first thing he saw was a bridge guarded by an angry troll.
"To pass the bridge, you must be able to quote Monty Python," the troll said.
"Okay, I've seen every episode of the show. Python knowledge, don't fail me now!" the knight said back.
"In the sketch "Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook, the man at the tobacco store says my hovercraft is full of what?" the troll asked.
"Eels, my hovercraft, is full of eels!" he answered
"Congratulations, you can cross this bridge,"
Then he found a forest with all kinds of mythical from fairies to goblins to a giant Boogeyman carrying a club in one hand and a knife in the other, oh wait a second, you thought this forest was gonna be peaceful? You thought wrong!
Sir Real walked through the forest until he found a giant creature sleeping,
"Excuse me sir, do you know a way to get out of this forest?" he said as he tapped the creature's back. Remember, when I said Sir Real isn't all that bright, now you probably understand why.
The creature woke up and roared a load road. It was the Boogeyman! The Boogeyman was a giant, green, scaly creature with red eyes and goat horns.
"Why did you wake me from my slumber!" the Boogeyman shouted.
"Ohhh, I'm sorry dude, I didn't mean to w-wake you up!" Sir R. said as he backed away from the monster.
"Now for waking up the most terrifying beast in the forest. You must challenge me...... to a game of checkers," the monster said.
"Really, checkers. I expected something more threatening. Ohhh crap, what did I just say!?" Sir Real asked himself.
"Ohhh, so you want something more threatening, huh. Let's fight!" the Boogeyman screamed at the top of his lungs.
So the knight took his sword and stabbed the Boogeyman, but the monster kicked him in the stomach. Then the Boogeyman grabbed him and flung him across the room like a booger. But Sir Real still standing took his fireblade and burnt the monster with it.
"I am burning to death. How is this supposed to be funny?" the Boogeyman asked.
"It's British Humor, it can be a little harsh at times," Sir Real said as the monster burnt to the ground.
Then Sir Real finally met his destination, the cave of the Phoenix. The first monster he met in the cave was a giant ogre named Sherk.
"Wow, apparently British people think they can ripoff of the movie Shrek. And now I'm in big trouble," Sir Real said.
"Your not in trouble. I'm here to help you. Let's find this phoenix together," the ogre told him.
Then after a lot of walking, which would be too boring to describe. They finally go to the cave of the Phoenix.
"This is it. The phoenix's wing," he said as he pulled out the wing of the bird.
"I wish for me to able to come into the light," the knight said and all of a sudden, he transported back home. Then he woke up in his cave, the sun came up and it was morning.
"Wow, there's a whole day of adventure ahead of us. Come on, Bruce," the knight said and they had a great time.
The End
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